Have a Happy, Guilt-Free Mother’s Day

 

I have not read the controversial “Are You Mom Enough?” article that appears in the recent issue of Time, but the startling cover is all too familiar to me. Or at least it was. As a retired La Leche League leader, I was surrounded by nursing toddlers, but for most of us, public life was a different story. We taught our children code words so if they wanted to nurse, they would not just reach up and pull out a breast. The children realized our lifestyle was not the norm, and it wasn’t then and it isn’t now.

At the time, I thought attachment parenting was the only way to go. It is natural to breastfeed and to let children wean themselves. Indigenous people do this all the time. At La Leche League, we read books by Dr. Sears but we also read anthropological works like The Continuum Concept and we read sociological material like The Family Bed. Baby-led weaning is natural. But we are living in the twenty-first century where women hone careers and seek satisfaction outside of their living quarters. Plus, it is not natural to use a cell phone or a computer. But should we not take advantage of technology? Must we always do things the natural way?

So now the controversy has risen again. Breastfeeding is healthier. I concur. And co-sleeping arrangements will not kill your baby. There is some evidence to suggest that it can reduce SIDS. And it is ridiculous that people are offended by seeing a mother nurse a newborn in the park. In part, the controversy is really about the American breast fetish. For most Americans, breasts should be reserved for sex, not for nourishment. There is actually social scientific research on that too. But knowing the science or the philosophy is moot if it cannot be applied in a comfortable manner.

What is detrimental are the “shoulds.” There is no right way or wrong way to parent. We experience the world in our own unique way. Who our parents are and what they do only accentuates our lives, and propels us to act through contrasting experiences, but their actions do not really shape us as much as we think they do.

I think we need to chill. Parenting is a unique and valuable experience for us and for our children, but we’d be better off if we just do what we think is right—not what Dr. Spock says or not what Dr. Sears says. It is what we say that matters. We are mothers after all. Now, on this Mother’s Day, my big dilemma is which finale to watch live tonight: The Celebrity Apprentice or Desperate Housewives. Decisions…decisions!