On the Real Housewives of New York reunion show, the subject of parenting came up. Ramona has been critical of LuAnn’s child-rearing practices, suggesting that LuAnn is just a weekend mom, while Ramona spends a lot of time with her daughter. The point of the criticism seems to be that spending time with our children creates good children, and lack of attention is damaging.
I have to take LuAnn’s side on this, not only because Ramona’s comments are out of place–no woman should criticize her friend’s mothering ability–but because I used to think like Ramona. I stayed home with my children for six years, and when I went back to work it was only part-time or temporary, and I finally would end up working at home so I could be near my children, and I was with them a lot. I believed that mothers should ignore their careers for the sake of the children, but I don’t believe that now.
I have no idea how much time LuAnn or Ramona spend with their kids, but I do know that the amount of time is of no consequence. It really doesn’t matter. That mothers spend quality time with their children has been pooh poohed as inconsequential but truthfully, the quality of the relationship makes a difference. I am aware of mothers who are at home screaming at their kids all day who would probably be better off working, and I know mothers who go to work who would love to stay home. But now that I raised all of my children–who turned out great by the way–I noticed that their peers who were raised by working moms turned out just as well.
That both Ramona and LuAnn seem to care deeply about their children, and are concerned about the issue, goes to their credibility as moms. They are probably both good mothers because they care.
Let’s stop the fight between stay at home moms, and working moms, and support one another in raising a more flexible new generation. Women should have more choices, not fewer. Let’s support all women in whatever they choose to do.
